


what's left of me

by The_IPRE



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, character study adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_IPRE/pseuds/The_IPRE
Summary: Kravitz opened his mouth to say something that would probably be perfect and sweet and heartfelt because he was perfect and sweet and heartfelt, and Taako cut him off with a sigh because he couldn’t handle being genuinely cared about, hardly ever, especially not now. Look at him, admitting weakness. Disgusting. Lup would be proud.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	what's left of me

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by ohsweetflips on Tumblr!
> 
> working title: taako submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known  
> actual title by hozier

“Your eyes are red…Were you crying?”

Taako would be lying if he said that he didn’t jump at Kravitz’s words, but luckily for his dignity, he had gotten very good at lying to himself. He just scrunched his nose, forced a hand against his face to wipe away the tears that he had definitely not been crying, and offered Kravitz a million gold piece grin. “Nope! Was just, uh, chopping onions, hence the whole, you know, face. Thing.” 

The way that his voice cracked in the middle of the statement _really_ was not helping his case.

Kravitz’s face wasn’t either, twisted in that _look_ that meant he could see through Taako’s bullshit. “One of your, ah, selling points for us moving in together was that you could cut onions without a sniffle, impressive as that is, so forgive me if I don’t fall for that one.”’

”Damn, I knew I shouldn’t’ve shown all my cards up front,” Taako muttered. He wasn’t actually upset or anything, he was trying to be on a real emotional honesty kick lately, but having somebody who knew him well enough to see through his bullshit and cared about him enough to call him on it really threw a wrench into his unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Living ten years thinking that he was completely alone really did wonders for freeing up brain space to develop said unhealthy coping mechanisms, and even out the other side of that they tended to hang around like a shitty smell.

Kravitz opened his mouth to say something that would probably be perfect and sweet and heartfelt because he was perfect and sweet and heartfelt, and Taako cut him off with a sigh because he couldn’t handle being genuinely cared about, hardly ever, especially not now. Look at him, admitting weakness. Disgusting. Lup would be proud.

Taako sighed, overdramatic, a motion that said _I’m just doing because you asked me to_ , and one that Kravitz had learned to see through months ago. Hopping up onto the kitchen counter he started to undo his braid, because if he was going to actually talk about which of his issues had surfaced today he needed to have something for his hands to do that wasn’t picking anything within reach to shreds. 

Kravitz took a step closer, leaned against the counter next to Taako, and maybe he was weak-willed but Taako blew him a kiss anyway because he was a good boyfriend. 

“Might’ve had a little panic attack earlier,” Taako said, no preamble. Not pretty, not funny, not poetic, just. A statement. A truth. Not something fun that he could spin into the Taako Brand™, just showing Kravitz something real.

A self destructive voice in the back of his head almost wished that that would be the last straw, that Kravitz would finally leave because Taako couldn’t imagine that the other shoe wasn’t going to drop someday and better to have it on his terms than out of the blue when he finally got complacent. Taako shot a volley of mental magic missiles at that voice, because he was doing an emotional honesty thing and he didn’t need to let his insecurities have a say in it.

Besides, complacent wasn’t necessarily such a bad thing when you weren’t alone. Talking to Kravitz, glancing off of the horrifying moment of breaking his favorite plate, a relic from a lost world, and feeling like this world was ending all over again. A ridiculous thing to freak out over, Taako knew that, and his eyes kept flicking towards and away from Kravitz’s, seeing if he was still there, seeing if he was still staying. 

At some point, Kravitz had moved closer, pressing his side against Taako’s thigh, a grounding point of contact. 

Taako almost wanted to cry again, and if he were a weaker elf, he might have. Thankfully, for his dignity’s sake, he was Taako, you know, from TV, and he held Kravitz’s hand instead like a normal adult who was good at emotionally regulating. 

Take that.

As Kravitz spoke, grounding and present and _there_ , Taako felt like he was settling back into his skin, feet firm on the ground of this plane that he called home and was going to continue calling home. (Well, his feet were currently about a foot off the hardwood flooring of their apartment, knocking against the nice cabinets that he’d helped to pick out, but still.)

For all of his posturing, maybe Taako did want someone to listen, someone who knew what pure uncut Taako was like and still chose to stay. If anybody were to ask, he’d probably say fuck off, what are you, a cop?

Maybe, though. Maybe he wanted someone to stay on purpose. No premade ties, no research missions gone wrong, just someone who had the opportunity to walk away and chose not to.

As Kravitz’s cold hand held his, thumb brushing against knuckles as he spun together the words he was looking for, Taako stopped waiting for him to walk away. Krav was a smart guy; if he hadn’t decided he was making a mistake yet, he was probably right. Tough as it might be for Taako to believe it for himself, he could trust Kravitz’s judgement.

He could trust Kravitz.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, or come talk to me on tumblr at [the-ipre](https://the-ipre.tumblr.com)!


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